Beyond The Curtain: Business Class Through The Eyes Of An Economy Regular

At 26 years of age, I have had a pretty privileged and awesome life with everything a gal could want. As far as my aviation experience was concerned, on Qantas, I was treated to my favourite healthy Aussie yogurt. On TAP Portugal, I got lollies shaped like planes. I thought these were to be my flying heights, if you will. That’s until I flew Emirates Business class…WHAT prey tell, is this magical unicorn paradise?

Here are my top 13 highlights of my time beyond the economy curtain…. I certainly ain’t  in Kansas anymore.

1. At checkin, I was allowed 40kg. You could move countries with that allowance! (Which is exactly what I did….)
2. You get your own plane entrance, and it’s two parts wanky, three parts fabulous. I was escorted to my seat past hanging vases of flowers. How are flowers on a plane a thing. Who in design phase thought ‘we MUST welcome visitors with flowers. They cannot fly without flora adjourning the cabin’. Whoever decided, you’re fabulous and I want to kiss your hand like the temporary fancy pants I am pretending to be.
3. You get champagne on arrival while you watch the poor economy passengers trudge past you to their tiny pitiful cattle seats.
4. There is so much leg room you literally want to immediately try out ALL THE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN FIT INTO ALL THE LEG SPACE.
5. You get a toiletries bag… a Bvgalri one. I don’t even have a designer handbag, but hey one for my toothbrush is a good start
6. You get a whole overhead to yo self. like allll the space. Boom. As well as a little nook to put your shoes, coz – fance details, you know.
8. You get a tablecloth at dinner. Yes, like you’re fine dining. A tablecloth. Yes, your eyes are reading those words correctly. T a b l e – c l o t h.
9. The food isn’t shit. How is this a thing. Non-shit plane food?
10. You.get.a.bed. A BED. A full on bed. And they give you a flipping mattress. How is economy even in existence. I GOT A MATTRESS. WE SHOULD ALL GET MATTRESSES YES? I shall decree it when I’m pm, promise.
11. When the lights go down for nigh nigh, there are stars on the roof…. I literally watched a movie by starlight, at 30 thousand feet. This is more magical than how I watch things at home; Netflix via flickering crusty lamp. Can I live on this plane? Or at least visit it home theatre style to watch things?
12. Mid-way through nigh nigh time, they casually offer you chocolate ice cream. The shocked excitement can only be described as that feeling you get when you hear mum open a packet of lollies on a car trip when you’re a kid. Yasssss – treats!
13. After landing, instead of spending my commute from plane to terminal under someone’s armpit, I was whisked away on a comfortable bus with huge seats while the sound track to what sounded like the Hunger Games played overhead. You know what, it did feel victorious – turn that victory chant up pah-lease!

And there it is, my top 13 highlights from my aviation glory days (cough hours cough) . I must confess, I now live in fear. Fear of what life after this experience will be like. I experienced heaven in aircraft form for a mere 7 hours. How will I ever travel again, knowing this kind of glamour and star-lit wonder exists? I must but live thankful, thankful that I wasn’t burdened with the joy of first class – for alas, how could I go on knowing that sweet comfort exists? ( like what even do you get… gold slippers!?!) To my dear Business class, our relationship was fleeting but glorious. I shall forever more dream of your tenderness… from the back row.

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